Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
