worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
