Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
