Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
