there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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