I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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