lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
