Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
