The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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