I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
