i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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