i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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