I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
