We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
