If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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