I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
