Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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