they need to just BURY HIM!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
