Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
