I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize