I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
