all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
