Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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