its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
