he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
