i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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