Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
