my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think i have two assholes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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