My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
