This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
