I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
