you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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