she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
