You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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