I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
