i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
