I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize