the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
