New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
