I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
