I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize