It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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