12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
