There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
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