I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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