Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
