He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
