He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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