Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize