if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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