we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just forgot I was standing up.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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