Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
