Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
