I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
