I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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