the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
