I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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