You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
