You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
