Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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