I'm so fucking centered right now
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
