I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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