I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
