in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
