A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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