4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
