If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
