Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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