My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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