i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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