One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
