dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need water and some morals
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
