I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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